Chapter 1: Football, Feet, and SPAM

                So here we are again.  It’s 2011.  Which means what you might ask yourself?  It means that we are ever so inching closer to our impending doom.  Birds falling from the sky, Fish floating to the top of the rivers, and people all across the southern part of the USA sending themselves into a tizzy about the weather.  Maybe it is just Arkansas that is in for doom.  Remember they also lost the Sugar Bowl this year as well. 

With all doom and gloom aside for the state of Arkansas, I have decided to this year make something of myself and start blogging for the first time as a bit of therapy for my brain.  Many things cross my mind and I decided that I would let my mind and fingers wander across a keyboard to compose my thoughts.  It seems easy in some way to take your thoughts and put them to the new-age paper (blogs) but more often than not, it is difficult.  It is difficult for me to express my thoughts and feelings without coming off as an ass but I tend to do so.  My thoughts are random and sometimes have no correlation to other thoughts in my head.

Like this one:

I watched the Chiefs/Ravens football game before I came to work.  It was a bitter pill to swallow considering that I am a BIG (and if you know me, I am a big dude) Chiefs fan.  I sat with my ailing mother and father in their room watching a meltdown of epic proportions.  In the middle of the 4^th quarter, I realized something.  This game isn’t about which team is actually better; it is about ratings and money.  The Ravens didn’t have a penalty until the fourth quarter.  Not one.  No holding. No Interference. Nothing.  That is when I realized that there was no chance that a Mid-American team in a small market was going to win this game.  Let’s be honest, the NFL doesn’t make money if small market teams win in the playoffs and not the big city teams.  Baltimore, New York, Boston (New England), Atlanta, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, and Chicago are the cash cows.  Little teams like Arizona, Kansas City, Jacksonville, Buffalo, Tampa Bay and Green Bay (which is borderline because of the legacy of Lombardi) are always skipped over.  Yea, they have a great year but when it comes down to dollars and cents, the big teams have the calls, the front office, the league, and the money to get the big teams into the bigger games.  I sat and listened to the announcers gush about Baltimore so much in the first half of that game before it got out of control that I had to mute the TV.  I credit Phil Simms for making me loathe his family name even more than usual. 

End of Rant.

Another thought:

Have there ever been more news anchors and people around the country talking about foot fetishes?  I mean really?  Everyone has their thing, I personally enjoy carpet rides while a winged horse makes me breakfast, but I digress.  So what if one guy, who happens to coach a pro football team, enjoys his spouse’s feet.  Who cares! Move on people, we have better things to talk about like pixi-sticks, unicorns, ornithological signs, and Scar-Jo.

Last thought of this post:

Am I the only person that enjoys going to the local Wal-Mart and watching the people of most southern city go ape-shi* when bad weather is on the horizon? I will go and get a coffee and sit at the end of the isles of the stores and watch people take a variety of sundries out of the stores.  What I have noticed as a trend in the 4 years that I have done this is that there are essential items that one needs when the apocalypse arrives. 

1)      Bottled Water.  The jugs of water fly off the shelves that there is no water left on the earth.  I understand the reasoning of this because of the necessity of water to survive.  I get it.

2)      Toilet Paper: People tend to go into the stores and get the 7000 roll pack just in case.  Sad thing is if people can’t get any water out of the tap, how are you going to flush the toilet?  Are we going to have overactive bodily functions now that this current “end-of-days” storm is upon us?  TP in that quality seems a bit much and frankly pretty ridiculous.

3)      SPAM: really? Processed meat that never gets bought otherwise only gets used when the next ice age is upon us. Really?

4)      Bread and Deli Meats: Ham sandwich is the answer to the universe.

5)      Peanut Butter: Only if you can keep the jelly outside.

6)      Milk:  This one always gets me.  Unless you have a cold carriage house attached to your residence, you had best drink it quickly.  It will spoil.  Then breakfast sucks and water in my fruit loops is terrible.  Don’t tell a kid, “Sorry, you have to have water with your cereal.”  Boo.

Alright, I have hopefully not completely wasted your time and I hope to do this again.  This is going to be something that I try to do often.  Hope y’all enjoy my rants and musings.  I am out.  For now…..or  am I?  Ok, I am out.