Xbox Live, Hickeys and Keith Olbermann. Yes, Those Three Things At Once.

I want to start my weekend post by stating that I am in a strange mood; one that swirls about, without form or function, and crashes into everything in sight.  I thought that I would preface tonight’s post with that consideration for the people that read this and wonder where I might be going with my statements and inquisitive conjectures. 

Now for the topics at hand:

I am a nerd. There, I said it.  I am damn proud to be a nerd as well. Just like Robert Carradine and Anthony Edwards, I say it proudly.  Recently, in my fantasy world of flying horses and mystical creatures, I began to play online video games on my Xbox 360.  I wanted to play online, since I have a lot of personal time to myself and I am not too interesting all the time, and began to play Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.  I believe that the pundits say that it is the most played game online in the history of online gaming. I’ll check with the creator of the internet to see if I am correct. Al, what is your perspective.  Thanks for that.  Now, on to my point.  I have been playing online for a little over 3 months and have realized that the language and behavior of the people on the microphone is unbearable and really makes you question why you went online to play anyways.  Racism is a terrible thing.  I am reminded of it consistently.  People that sit and play online games use racist rhetoric because no one can see your face.  It goes back to the whole principle of saying certain things in private when no one sees you and saying things like this in public.  I know that some parents would be ashamed if they heard what was being said over a headset.  I hope that they don’t kiss their wives, girlfriends, or parents with that mouth.  Maybe they chew Orbit gum or something before but that doesn’t make it any better.  I am not someone who is going to preach about morals and what you “should do”.  That isn’t me or my style and it is in no way my prerogative to tell you how to say or do anything.  People that play these games tend to use more riotous language than the worst people in the world, Pikeys. But that is another story.  Many parents these days buy video games and their respective systems for the kids ranging from 10-17 and that is fine, but they as parents have to realize that the language that they hear is worse than an “R” rated movie.  If you don’t allow your kids to see “R” rated movies, you buy them Xbox Live, and you remain blissfully ignorant to the gross amount of language that is spoken on there, then you are a bad parent. I give you this.  I have been called everything but a “man” on Xbox Live and some parents wonder where their kids are learning such language.  It’s not in schools, people.  It’s from other people on video games. If you disagree with me, you are a racist, homophobic, curse-word-o-phobe.

Point Deux:

Keith Olbermann used to be funny, in my opinion. 15 years ago he was doing ESPN’s Sportscenter.  Exhibit A. Exhibit B.  He is now leaving is widely successful show on MSNBC but for what reason and why not sooner.  Go back to doing sports, Keith, and stand down on your political agenda.  Your wit and commentary on politics was “blah” to me but you reading a teleprompter about how Vlad Guerrero jacked one over the left field wall was always good.  You’re good at commenting on sports.  Do that and don’t do politics, please.

Story of the Bizarre:

There is a woman in New Zealand that had temporary paralysis from a hickey.  A hickey.  Y’all know that thing that you try to hide when you go to work the next day because you are worried about the razzing that you are going to get and decide to wear a turtleneck to cover it up.  We know that you are covering it up.  I’ll razz you on the turtleneck in the spring time every time.  Some dude sucked so hard that he damaged the vessel in her neck, causing a clot to go right to her heart.  I guess that is one way to a woman’s heart, a stroke.  To this dude, I give this.

Here is a link to the article if you think I am joking:

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2011/01/21/new-zealand-woman-partially-paralyzed-hickey/?test=latestnews  

I Wrote this Blog Post, and all I got was this crappy T-Shirt.

My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternative.  Yea, that sounds about right for the thoughts that I have today. 

Today is the 25th anniversary of the establishment of a day for the great civil rights leader Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  Being a Memphian, the city is abuzz with people remembering the legacy of the good Dr. MLK.  I have a thought on the day as a whole.  The Third Monday in January is the day that is formally recognized by the Federal government as a holiday.  Everything closes in celebration of the holiday, which is nice for people to have that day off.  Banks, Post Offices, and other federal entities are closed for this day but why does only the federal and government jobs get the day off?  I know that my roommates had the day off, one being an accountant, and got to do things on their additional off day.  I personally don’t mind working at all on MLK day but shouldn’t the people that work on that day get holiday pay for working on a day when the government gets off and gets paid for it?  It seems backwards to me that the people that make this country run and run smoothly at times don’t get an ounce of holiday pay for working.  Big companies get holiday pay and an extra day off to enjoy to themselves but the hard working Americans that keep the country running don’t see any pay for the federal holiday that they work.  People that work on days that are recognized as federal holidays, like Memorial Day; Veterans Day; and Labor Day, should get the benefit of holiday pay for their work.

On a slightly different tangent:

I read today that they are creating a statue in the Oberhausen, Germany Aquarium for Paul the Octopus.  For the non-familiar, Paul was an octopus that correctly picked the German World Cup matches in the most recent World Cup as well as the Netherlands losing 1-0 to Spain in the final.  So, you have an octopus that picks the World Cup matches and picks correctly.  I DON’T CARE ABOUT THAT OCTOPUS! I would rather see it on my plate, covered and breading, fried and served with a side of cocktail sauce.  It’s a freaking Octopus, people.  They are making a statue of an octopus sitting on a soccer ball outside of the tank that he lived.  That is a bit much to this man, but whatever.  I have seen people do weirder things but people that act like this octopus was some sort of omniscient are ridiculous. Asking an octopus to prognosticate soccer matches is like asking Todd Day to pass a drug test. Twice.  So to you German Aquarium, I give you this.

This is What Happens When People Die...on Twitter and Why Taylor Swift is Successful

Now that I have established this blog, I have seen some things that have really intrigued me lately and maybe they have caught your eye as well.  I keep a pad of paper with me with notes of things that I have witnessed that distress me at times.  Other times, they are quips of knowledge that I will drop on you like Chuck Knoblaugh drops an infield fly ball.  So what I have today are a few things that have kept my wheels spinning for the last few days.

                I am on twitter frequently (@nathanghaynes) and have noticed a disturbing development regarding the poplar topics that “trend”.  It seems that in the past few months, many people have died on this social networking medium.  The legendary Don Shula, NFL head coach of the only undefeated team in history (1972 Dolphins), was pronounced dead on Twitter and was a trending topic for about 6 hours.  Movie icon and actor Morgan Freeman, about a month or so ago, was also marked as dead on Twitter.  Actor, comedian, and writer Keenan Ivory Wayans was also pronounced dead about a week prior to Don Shula being terminated on the social networking site.  These instances have committed people’s thoughts, which only rely on the social networking sites for their news, to blowing these stories out of control to the point that many people believe it to be fact.  I love the social mediums that we have today such as Facebook, Twitter, (the red-headed step child) MySpace, and Tumblr for up to the second updates on friends and “reliable and credible” news stories, if those really exists.  What we seem to have today is a bunch of attention needy people who want everyone to know who they are by reporting false statements about people.  I know that there is a difference between talking junk and making stories up.  This generation seems to be impatient with everything from their news to the speed at which they can get their hamburger at McDonalds.  When things aren’t instant, people get to the point of frustration that they have to find something that is instantly gratifying.  I love things that are instant like mac and cheese, text messaging, and Eduardo the pool boy when I ring his bell but I enjoy things that take time because it shows that someone put some effort into their craft.  So to the people of the universe that want to report on the death or demise of someone or something or whatever it may be, go and become a journalist and take the time to do your research because if you cannot get your facts straight, what is the point of taking the time to right anything at all.

Then there was this thought as I left the Walgreens today.  Well, besides that I needed a butterfinger, Carmex, and a watch battery.

                I saw where Jake Gyllenhaal broke up with Taylor Swift.  Here is my tragic face.  I really don’t care about either one of them in any component of my life but this caught me.  I sat back and laughed.  I looked at my mother and told her, “Give Taylor Swift 8 months and she will have her next country number 1.”  And that started this.  I think that she dates men to have them break up with her in order to make money off of them.  Each man that has left her, she has written a song about their relationship and greatly profited from it.  Yea, I said it.  The dullest person ever has a business plan and works it to perfection.  I think that her previous boyfriends deserve a cut of some variety.  Don’t they?  I mean the darn thing is about them.  So why shouldn’t they profit from her gross earnings if she is writing about them?  I know the real answer but I thought that I would pose this hypothetical question.  It was just a thought people like how I want Yolo right now or how being a pirate would be awesome.

Chapter 1: Football, Feet, and SPAM

                So here we are again.  It’s 2011.  Which means what you might ask yourself?  It means that we are ever so inching closer to our impending doom.  Birds falling from the sky, Fish floating to the top of the rivers, and people all across the southern part of the USA sending themselves into a tizzy about the weather.  Maybe it is just Arkansas that is in for doom.  Remember they also lost the Sugar Bowl this year as well. 

With all doom and gloom aside for the state of Arkansas, I have decided to this year make something of myself and start blogging for the first time as a bit of therapy for my brain.  Many things cross my mind and I decided that I would let my mind and fingers wander across a keyboard to compose my thoughts.  It seems easy in some way to take your thoughts and put them to the new-age paper (blogs) but more often than not, it is difficult.  It is difficult for me to express my thoughts and feelings without coming off as an ass but I tend to do so.  My thoughts are random and sometimes have no correlation to other thoughts in my head.

Like this one:

I watched the Chiefs/Ravens football game before I came to work.  It was a bitter pill to swallow considering that I am a BIG (and if you know me, I am a big dude) Chiefs fan.  I sat with my ailing mother and father in their room watching a meltdown of epic proportions.  In the middle of the 4^th quarter, I realized something.  This game isn’t about which team is actually better; it is about ratings and money.  The Ravens didn’t have a penalty until the fourth quarter.  Not one.  No holding. No Interference. Nothing.  That is when I realized that there was no chance that a Mid-American team in a small market was going to win this game.  Let’s be honest, the NFL doesn’t make money if small market teams win in the playoffs and not the big city teams.  Baltimore, New York, Boston (New England), Atlanta, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, and Chicago are the cash cows.  Little teams like Arizona, Kansas City, Jacksonville, Buffalo, Tampa Bay and Green Bay (which is borderline because of the legacy of Lombardi) are always skipped over.  Yea, they have a great year but when it comes down to dollars and cents, the big teams have the calls, the front office, the league, and the money to get the big teams into the bigger games.  I sat and listened to the announcers gush about Baltimore so much in the first half of that game before it got out of control that I had to mute the TV.  I credit Phil Simms for making me loathe his family name even more than usual. 

End of Rant.

Another thought:

Have there ever been more news anchors and people around the country talking about foot fetishes?  I mean really?  Everyone has their thing, I personally enjoy carpet rides while a winged horse makes me breakfast, but I digress.  So what if one guy, who happens to coach a pro football team, enjoys his spouse’s feet.  Who cares! Move on people, we have better things to talk about like pixi-sticks, unicorns, ornithological signs, and Scar-Jo.

Last thought of this post:

Am I the only person that enjoys going to the local Wal-Mart and watching the people of most southern city go ape-shi* when bad weather is on the horizon? I will go and get a coffee and sit at the end of the isles of the stores and watch people take a variety of sundries out of the stores.  What I have noticed as a trend in the 4 years that I have done this is that there are essential items that one needs when the apocalypse arrives. 

1)      Bottled Water.  The jugs of water fly off the shelves that there is no water left on the earth.  I understand the reasoning of this because of the necessity of water to survive.  I get it.

2)      Toilet Paper: People tend to go into the stores and get the 7000 roll pack just in case.  Sad thing is if people can’t get any water out of the tap, how are you going to flush the toilet?  Are we going to have overactive bodily functions now that this current “end-of-days” storm is upon us?  TP in that quality seems a bit much and frankly pretty ridiculous.

3)      SPAM: really? Processed meat that never gets bought otherwise only gets used when the next ice age is upon us. Really?

4)      Bread and Deli Meats: Ham sandwich is the answer to the universe.

5)      Peanut Butter: Only if you can keep the jelly outside.

6)      Milk:  This one always gets me.  Unless you have a cold carriage house attached to your residence, you had best drink it quickly.  It will spoil.  Then breakfast sucks and water in my fruit loops is terrible.  Don’t tell a kid, “Sorry, you have to have water with your cereal.”  Boo.

Alright, I have hopefully not completely wasted your time and I hope to do this again.  This is going to be something that I try to do often.  Hope y’all enjoy my rants and musings.  I am out.  For now…..or  am I?  Ok, I am out.